That’s why it’s so important for couples and parents and families and kids to talk about this stuff. It’s the opening up, expressing those feelings deep inside, to another person and, most importantly, feeling “heard” that allows for the healing to occur. And it’s not a thing that we deal with and then never have to deal with again. It’s an on-going dialogue, an on-going wrestling with, that we are engaged in when having to come to terms with the reality of living with a child with diabetes. And I think prayer really helps, especially in dealing with the powerlessness. My favorite one that helps me deal with the feelings and the realities of a high blood sugar, even though I’ve done everything to make sure it should be between 4.0 -8.0 but it isn’t, is the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The benefit of a prayer like this is that it helps one to realize what they do have power over and to not have to wrestle with things that are out of our control. I do have the power to do my best at managing my diabetes, at balancing carbs with exercise, at taking what I think is the right correction bolus, etc. And, knowing that I’ve done my part, given it my best effort, to then let it go! Not to give in, just to realize that managing diabetes is difficult, and that getting numbers out of target zone doesn’t mean that I’m incompetent – it just means that I have diabetes! As a parent, it’s tremendously difficult to not beat yourself up when the numbers don’t come out right. Of course it’s important to try and keep your child’s numbers as close to target range as possible, without experiencing too many lows or too many highs. However, it’s also important to not beat ourselves up over the results – if we’ve put in our best effort.

And that, in my mind, is the most difficult part of living with diabetes – all the work that goes into the process of managing it on a daily basis. It’s totally exhausting! If you don’t live with it you don’t know how exhausting it is. That’s why it’s important to take breaks every so often and why it’s totally normal to break down every so often. If you’re having an occasional breakdown then it means that you’re working it! I think you’re nuts if you don’t have the occasional meltdown – crying, feelings of despair, sadness and frustration. Then we just pick ourselves up, pat ourselves on the back for being honest and courageous for facing up to the feelings, then move on.

That’s the great spiritual learning in living with diabetes – you don’t have to like it but you do have to do it. And that’s what parents need to teach their kids – that you can do it and not like it at the same time. Hating it and doing it are not mutually exclusive states! And facing the feelings, dealing with the daily challenges, and still being excited about being alive and all the wonder that goes along with that. The reality is that all of us are on our own “learning plans” provided to us by God or the Cosmos. Living with diabetes is one of the big learnings that we have to address as part of the plan. It takes courage and determination to stay engaged and provide our children with a sense that even though they have diabetes there’s nothing that they can’t hope for and do. But in order to be able to provide our kids with that sense of wonder and engagement about life, we, as parents and adults, have to be open and honest about our own feelings and challenges. Doing that will provide our kids – with and without diabetes- with the tools that they need to find and be themselves.